I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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