let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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