this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize