am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize