i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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