I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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