The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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