Your face is a jimmy john
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize