Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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