Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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