I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I see more hoeing in ur future
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