I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
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What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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