Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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