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I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
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