Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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