She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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