I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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