You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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