Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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