I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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