Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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