i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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