i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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