so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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