Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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