I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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