you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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