The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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