6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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