If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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