you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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