I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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