i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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