I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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