He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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