Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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