My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize