it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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