Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize