3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tell her she can't have a vagina
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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