you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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