i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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