he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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