The maid of honor just puked.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize