Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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