Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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