I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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