Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize