i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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