When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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My vagina just recognized that song.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And then he peed in my hair
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